There is so much to write about, so much to tell. A story that is unmistakably God, but a story that is also ridden with hurt, anger, and sadness over missed opportunity.
In early April 2012, over a year after God began prompting me, I sat down to write a letter of forgiveness to a man I never knew. I mailed the letter not thinking much past that…then, the unexpected happened. Two short days after mailing the letter I received a call that would connect me to the person that I had longed for a relationship with for over 40 years. Only it wasn’t quite like I dreamed it. Suddenly I was launched into the odd reality that my estranged Father was lying in a hospital bed in a coma and was expected to die by dawn. What! Could this really be happening? Next came a whirlwind of emotions and decisions. Decisions of what to do, what to say, and how to pray. How could this be, and why now? What good would it do me or him to know this now? Was it too late? Would I ever get the chance to meet him or know him? The relentless questions kept running through my mind and they had to be answered. WHY?
It had to be for a reason! So I prayed…”God, please keep my dad alive and help him through the night… and if he is alive in the morning I will go.”
Not long after I began praying, my friend Nickie, encouraged me to call the hospital and ask the nurse to put the phone by his ear so that I could talk to him. I remember her saying, “Stephanie, this may be the only chance you get.” I knew at that very moment, no matter how scared I was, I had to call. My voice shuttered and the tears fell as I told my Dad just how much I missed him, how much I loved him and how I wished it could have been different. How I wished I could have known him and he could have known me. How I needed him but that it was okay now because Jesus is taking great care of me and that he did not have to worry anymore. I got to tell him about Jesus and about how He died for him. I got to share with him God’s love and forgiveness and got to tell him that he was forgiven…by me…and by God. I began to read the 23rd Psalm over him and told him I would see him in Heaven one day. I later found out that this is his favorite verse and it was even read at his funeral. I got to pray for him. It was an unforgettable, life changing experience.
I awoke the next morning early and placed a call to his nurse. She said he made it through and actually had a good night. That day I struggled with the decision to go but I finally resigned myself to the fact that if I didn’t go I might regret not making the most of the opportunity that God had presented. With my husband, Aaron, and my sister-in-law, Debra, at my side, I went. I remember the anticipation and fear on the ride up. What would it be like to finally see my father, how would I feel, what condition is he going to be in? The questions kept coming. Would it matter to him, since he was in a coma, that I was even there?
Six hours later we arrived a
t the hospital and the moment had come. Debra first noticed his room # and when she pointed to it and said, “this is it”, I froze. I remember feeling afraid but she encouraged me to come, so I moved forward and turned the corner and FINALLY saw my Daddy’s face.
At that very moment, my Dad was no longer a foreign concept, but became very real to me. I was able to identify with my father. The strongest most amazing thing happened in his room that night; an overwhelming sense of joy and happiness flowed through me and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that as I touched him and kissed his forehead and held his hand, God’s unconditional love flowed right through me to him. How do I know this to be true? It is only by the ultimate love of Christ that you can stand over the hospital bed of a man who couldn’t, for whatever reason, give you the one thing you needed, his love, and feel no anger or bitterness toward him but instead feel only love and happiness. That is the Ultimate Love of Christ! And if that weren’t enough, which it was, God gave more. As I talked to my Dad and warmed his cold hands, his vital signs went up and when I prayed for my Dad and kissed his forehead, and told him, “Daddy, it’s Stephanie, I’m here, I came to see you”, two tears shed from his right eye. They tried to tell me they put eye drop
s in an hour or so ago but I know what it was. Eye drops don’t leak an hour or so later. I know what happened in that room that night and it was for him, but the amazing thing about God is that it was for me too! That’s how good God is. He knew what he needed and he knew what I needed. Human connection, forgiveness, and unconditional love.
There is a part of me that wishes the story would have resulted in the chance to have more of a relationship than what I had that night, but it didn’t end that way. Exactly one week later, in that same hour, he went to be with the Lord. I am ever grateful for our moment in time, that no one can take from me. Me, my dad, and one moment that will last for all eternity.
There is so much more to the story, like the loss of a father in my life, the missed opportunity, the rejection, the anger, and the sadness…
And even more, like the years I didn’t get a call or even a card on my birthday, all the time that I spent and the mistakes I made trying to fill the voids, and the years and years I cried…
But in the midst of it all, there was God…And where there is God, there is love. Where there is God, there is compassion. And where there is God, there is forgiveness. And in forgiveness lies freedom.
You see God loved us, my dad and I, enough to set us free. He knew exactly what we needed and He held back nothing, not even His own life, to make sure we had it.
My Dad, John D. Ramsey, had attended church nearly every Sunday for at least the last 17 years. His Pastor, Jeff Carter, told me about how he would be the first one into 
the church, 45 minutes before the service started, to listen to the music and to take his place. He also told me about how my Dad was a loner, and that he kept to himself and never talked much about his life. But how one day, just recently, he told him about me and my two brothers!!
Although I now know all this, I will never know all of the answers as to why my Dad could not to be a part of my life. But I do know this; I trust God enough to know that it was all part of His plan and that He has everyday of our lives written in the palm of His hand before there was ever one of them.
I write to remember what God has done, for me and my Dad. And I write to say that there is a God who went to great lengths and worked out all the intricate details of our lives and this story, just so He could show me and my Dad how immensely He loves us and how much He wants us, no matter what we’ve done.
Let it be said, “GOD IS A FATHER TO THE FATHERLESS.” Psalm 68:5
And just like He fathered my dad and He fathered me, He will Father you by filling every void, if you will let Him!
If there is anything I have learned from my story that I will apply to everyday of the rest of my life it is this, ”Make the most of every moment of your life, so that there are no missed opportunities, and better said, no loss of relationship with God and those you love.” It took everything I had in me to face my past, and to do my part to reconcile what was lost, but God made the way and all I had to do was follow.
I hope you’ll follow Him too!
For a 
